I care about interior design enough that I bought a charcoal grey, linen doona cover and put it in my luggage to bring to the house in Rio. In the first week, through a spout of rolling-around-in-agony period pains, I managed to smear peroxide cream from my acne to my new linen set.

If you thought you couldn’t possibly hate your period any more, gente, I raise you this: bleach spots on your brand new fucking French linen.